I am Me

Acceptance of yourself is hard enough.  But it becomes even harder when you notice the people around you treating you differently because of your own differences. It shouldn’t be that way, but the reality is that people look and treat you differently because you are different. One minute I might be happy And I could be strolling down the street humming a song. A couple minutes later something may have triggered me and tears may be streaming down my face. Am I still a human being? Absolutely. But I have feelings and I am no different than you. I am still trying to succeed in life, I still have goals, and I still worked extremely hard to reach those goals and to succeed in life.

I have worked very hard to get to where I am today. I have a Masters degree and three certifications. Do I currently use them? No. Because right now I am working on my own health and that is what needs to come first right now. Excepting that was a hard feat for me but it is something that I have come to accept and something that I wish others would not look down on me for. It's something I need not look down on MYSELF for. Do I need help, do I need assistance? Yes. And is that a bad thing? No.  Does that make me less of a person? Does that make me any less important of a person? No. In my eyes it doesn’t. But in your eyes it might. And is that fair? No! It absolutely isn’t. But I’m going to keep living my life, and I’m going to try to ignore the perceptions of other people and the judgments that they placed against me. Because I’m going to keep singing my song regardless. This is my life and I’m doing what I need to do to take care of me.

I have invested way too much  since I started treatment at the age of 13 and being at the age of 30, it’s hard to look back and realize just how much of my life has been lost to mental illness. I am working on taking my life back and having control of the things that I can control. And letting go of the things that I cannot control. And the fact that people treat me differently, the fact that I’ve lost so many friends due to the fact that I have mental illness, that is out of my control And that is something I am trying to learn to let go of.

So here I am, singing my song, and living my life, because that is what I need to do for me. And if that’s not OK with you, I am not sorry because this is my life. And I am going to live it, for me.